Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
