yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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