if i can run in heels then i can drive
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
whose ass print is on the piano?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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