im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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