what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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