Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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