I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
