And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You left your phone here
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