ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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