I seem to have left my pride at pride
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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