So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
