my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
