It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
