u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
