my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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