Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
