We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
PANTIES FOUND
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