we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I smell stomach acid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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