Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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