so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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