he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
