Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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