Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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