Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
