capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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