I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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