I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want to make out with him forever
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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