Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
