Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
