i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
don't judge my taste in strippers
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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