You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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