it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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