Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
