From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
