So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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