so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
