i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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