its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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