I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
