moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
