dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
