But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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