i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
