Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
