By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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