Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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