A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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