Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
we should paint friendship bongs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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