The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
