Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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