I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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